How to Survive a Hangover

02/26/2012 19:19

Hangover (autoportrait)


I realized today that in my attempt to show you "how to successfully do just about anything in college" I have one glaring omission -- how to get rid of a hangover.

There are tons of old wives' tales and a lot "dude, I'll tell ya what'll get rid it it…" type of suggestions. But, when you're feeling like you just landed face first into a speeding tractor trailer, and you only have minutes until an 8 AM exam, is there really any antidote? Sadly, probably not.

There's a bunch of stuff online about what you should do before going to a party if you want to avoid a hangover.  Most of the suggestions are things like drink plenty of water and eat fatty foods beforehand, but who really puts that much forethought into their drunkedness? And if you do, isn't that a good sign you have a problem -- I'm just sayin.

The recommendations of things to do the morning after the party (the day of the hangover) are typically things you do whenever you don't feel good -- take an Aspirin and drink a lot of liquids. We all know those types of remedies take time to go into effect. So, maybe if you are dealing with a 10 AM exam you might be feeling halfway human by then.

The bottom line is, if you get drunk (and are prone to hangovers) expect to feel like crap the next day. And if you don't want to flunk out of school, keep your partying to the weekends.

Okay, okay, I know you're looking for some real answers about how to cure a hangover, so here's my five-step guide. I'm not saying these things will make you feel good as new, but they'll get you back out in public.

Step 1: Take an Aspirin

You want to get the medicine flowing early, so it can reach your head as quickly as possible.

Step 2: Take a Shower

There's no telling what type of muck and fluids are covering you after a long night of partying and a shower will refresh you and make you feel less like a bum.

Step 3: Start Drinking

No, not more alcohol; now is the time to start chugging the water and sports drinks. These will rehydrate your body and replenish your electrolytes.

Step 4: Eat Bland Foods

Plain toast, cracker, dry cereal and the like will balance out your belly and help you to feel less nauseas. Avoid anything rich unless you want to be back in the bathroom.

Step 5: Get to Bed Early

After a day of self-medication and a solid night of sleepy your hangover will be just a distant memory.