Reasons to Stay Fat

03/25/2012 22:17

 

While everyone is struggling to slim-down before bathing suit season, does part of you just want to say, “forget it!” and embrace your fatness? Do you want to simply laugh in the face of your nutritionist, nurse, and physician and throw all concerns of health to the wind? If so, this is the list for you:

 

Top 5 Reasons to Keep Your Spare Tire (the one around your gut)

 

1. Able to wear shorts year round

You ever notice how fatties are perfectly comfortable wearing shorts in any type of weather (mostly guys). No matter if it’s 100 degrees or 20 degrees, the chunky feel just right in knee-length shorts.

 

2. Keep stuff in your rolls

Dang! You want to listen to music, but don’t have any pockets for your iPod? Don’t worry, you can just stuff that puppy in one of your belly rolls and get on with your business. Walk, clean house, jog (scratch that --you don’t jog) and your iPod will stay secure.

 

3. Portable table

Eating dinner while watching TV is great, but skinny folks and their inadequate laps are always struggling with where to put their plates. Ha! You have an instant plate wherever you go; just sit down and your magic stomach-table appears. Cut steak, dress a fajita, whatever… it works.

 

4. Get your money’s worth at buffets

A good buffet can be expensive and the squishy are able to enjoy every course (maybe two of every course) while laughing in the faces of their thin friends who are full after the salad. Suckers! They just paid $35 for a salad.

 

5. Always get first dibs on the aisle seat

Perhaps it’s the ability to make a quick getaway or having an armrest all to yourself, but whatever it is, people love having the aisle seat. When you’re chubby people automatically give it to you because they think you need it (you do), and because they don’t want to be smushed between you and someone else. So, whether it’s an airplane, movie theater, or classroom you get the prime chair.

 

See, being plump isn’t all bad. What other reasons keep you lovin’ your flabbiness?